Written by Mwabi Kaira
The most significant thing I don’t miss about being boo’ed up is the social media drama. They love your social media presence when they’re pursuing you but act like you’re out here selling everything from the follicles on your head to your toenails on the Gram once you’ve established a relationship. I’d understand if I was being Kim Kardashian with my posts and attempting to break the internet, but nope, I’m just out here posting smiling pictures in cute outfits mixed in with inspirational quotes but stayed getting accused of who knows what.
Teyana Taylor posted a picture of her banging body in a Fashionova outfit over the holidays, and it was received with several likes and comments as are all her posts. Her husband Iman Shumpert commented on it as well but not in his usual cutesy “I’m glad you’re mine, and I get to enjoy you forever” way. His comment was asking another man to explain why he liked Teyana’s post. I’m not familiar with Juju of Love and Hip Hop fame, but I am an avid listener of The Breakfast Club and watched both her and rapper Cam’Ron, her ex-boyfriend’s interviews. They have recently ended their ten-year relationship, and per Cam’Ron it was because it wasn’t fun anymore and he didn’t like how invested Juju was in her IG. Juju countered by explaining that all she ever wanted from Cam’Ron was respect on IG; she didn’t like the perception he was projecting by the posts he loved. She also did not like how he eventually let one of his female IG friends go at her not come to her defense.
Both these situations had me thinking about IG relationship etiquette 101 and what it entails. Does it include policing your mate's posts and analyzing every comment then having a stank attitude about made up scenarios in your head? Or is the first rule to respect and trust your mate? Are friends breaking code if they like or comment on their friend's mate’s post? Is that off limits?
I get it; no one is posting just to post, whether it is the clear intent or buried deep down, validation is at the core. We want to see likes, and we want the “looking great” comments. It’s what we do with it that takes us to murky waters. If not getting them makes us snappy to our mate then we must pause and re-evaluate. If in moments of disagreements with our mate we choose to get our fill from admirers from the Gram then we must hesitate and re-evaluate.
What I know for sure at this stage in my life is that I can’t be in a relationship with someone who feels that they come second to the Gram. I can’t be questioned about my moves on the Gram because if you have to ask me, we haven’t established what we are doing. I won’t police a mate and spend too much time over-analyzing because I don’t have the energy for it. I’ve done it, and it's not fun. If I’m in a relationship with you, you see whatever I post in real time. If I think my outfit is cute, I’m wearing it for you to see and asking you if you think it’s cute. I’m posting as an afterthought. How are you going to be mad? I still believe that one day I will be in a relationship that will set and keep my soul on fire. We will be open and honest with each other, and social media won’t ever be one of our issues.