Written by Mwabi Kaira
It’s love week, the one week of the year when self-pity is at its highest. It's painful to watch. Single folks suddenly zoom in on their singleness and all that's wrong with them, the world, and everybody breathing. It’s like watching a sad movie; a usually jovial and outgoing person suddenly becomes sullen, and their smiles and happiness are replaced with status updates about the lack of good men and women and how they ain’t shit.
Even though I was married, I sent myself flowers on my 25th birthday. Most people hear that and think my husband must not have been romantic. He was, but I felt like a grown-up woman walking into her Queendom. I say that to say I’ve never been one who allows society to dictate what I want. My husband probably took me to dinner, and I still got presents that day, but I wanted particular flowers delivered to me complete with a card that read, “Live your life girl” and I did just that.
After my divorce, I naturally carried the same attitude into my new single life. I’ve never taken Valentine’s Day to be a day to feel sorry for myself. I buy myself flowers all the time, not just on Valentine’s Day, and I find things to do that interest me. This year my neighborhood bar is having a “Non-Romantic Singles Night” that I’m going to. The bartender explained the night to me last Friday when he invited me, and I can’t remember the details, but he had me at Non-Romantic. I plan to have a few drink and laugh the night away.
Beloveds, you have a choice. Don’t scowl at your co-workers if they get flowers delivered at work. Don’t be that person looking through your timeline getting madder by each post as couples show their social media love for one another. Don’t let this trigger you. Log off. Do something loving for yourself and treat yourself how you want to be treated. This year do something different and remembers that self-love and self-preservation is the way to go. Ask yourself what you need and be the one to fulfill that need.
Tips for Valentine’s Day:
- Do not get upset looking at people’s love posts because you are not in a relationship.
- Do not compare what you receive from your partner to what others earn; this is your relationship, not theirs.
- Do not downplay your love to avoid offending others.
- Celebrate yourself today because you are love and loved.
Valentine’s Day is about commerce.
Cry if you want to but know you don’t have to. Instead, refocus your energy and live chile. I’ll be down to my neighborhood bar celebrating life and margaritas. Smooches.