I’m in tune with myself and don’t like when my equilibrium is off. Like most of the world, social media has become part of my everyday life. I don’t watch the news for self-care reasons, and everything I know is from my timeline. I find out about what’s going on in the people I love lives from their Facebook posts, and Instagram keeps me posted on whose cute and what common event they turned into a photo shoot. IG has also given me the gift that is "The Shade Room," my lunch break scroll of choice. I no longer have to wait to watch a daily entertainment show; celebrities break their news and release their own IOS press releases on their social media, and "The Shaderoom" compiles it in one spot for me.
Over the holidays I had more time to indulge in social media and too much went down. My current favorite Cardi B’s nudes leaked, and I was heartbroken. Not "heartbroken" just to say I was sad but heartbroken like my-lover-had-decided-to-leave-me-and-I-didn’t-see-it-coming heartbroken. I tossed and turned, and I knew that my love for Cardi was fresh but this was her life, and I needed to let her live it over there.
Then Tamar released her IOS press release about Vince having a baby, and it was 24 hours of an ongoing story with different parties chiming in. Suddenly Vince was not the adoring husband singing the cute theme song to their show anymore. He wasn’t the doting husband putting up with the over the top antics of his wife and the loving father with his mini-me Logan looking at him like Superman anymore. I was already feeling uneasy watching their marriage fall apart on their show and all of this playing out of social media just made me feel like a front row unwanted participant to a breakdown. My breakdowns are enough for me, and I don’t need to witness anyone else's. I didn’t lose sleep over this one but spent too much time analyzing and agonizing over it. Then my timeline filled with two beefing hotep brothers and I had had enough!
I needed a break, and I needed to find my center.
So Facebook and Instagram were removed from my phone on New Year’s Eve, and I got back to living life in real time without documenting it. I didn’t reach for my phone every morning and start scrolling. IG stories were no longer my lullaby. I enjoyed not being in the know about every entertainment story and catching up if my favorite podcasts mentioned it. At red lights, I waited for the light to change to green without picking up my phone and scrolling. I discovered audiobooks and listened to four books. And most importantly I became exceptionally productive and created a writing schedule that has remained.
It’s been 23 days, and I feel balanced again. I added my social media back on my phone and will work hard at not being so invested in other people’s lives and concentrate on my own. I will work at monitoring how much time I spend on social media, and as soon as I feel off center again, I will adjust until I calibrate just right.
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